What I Really Need to Improve On…
… is my ability to see the big picture.
I always prided myself on the ability to do that, until hey hey, there is an even bigger picture to see. And I need time to see the big picture. I need to stare into space. Get out of the office.
…. is my ability to prepare the big picture.
I usually go into meetings or start discussions off the cuff. But lately, I discovered that this is more counterproductive. For e.g. I told muddydonkey to hire a technician. Turns out, he called 25 technicians down for an interview, at 10mins interval each. *slaps forehead* Then, he asked for his minion to attend the interviews with him. This really got my goat and I told him not to. I realised that I am angry not with his ignorance, but with myself for not teaching him the proper way. The way that I want it done. And then when I go back to correct the mistakes, it is doubly hard.
So, I need to prepare. And think the big picture.
…. is my ability to voice my feelings or inability to be authentic.
I am still unable to do this. And I find that I am frequently angry with people because I am unable to tell them off intelligently. Like Huimin the ignorant fool turned inconsiderate asshat. I am not angry at her ignorance. I am just very very angry I never took my chance to lecture her and let her know how I felt.
After telling muddydonkey why I don’t think it is suitable for his minion to attend interviews, I felt a lot better.
Truly, being authentic has become my hardest value to live true to. And when I look back at all the times and people I am angry with - bomoh, mistake ex, jerlyn, tts, ex computer boss… I am actually angry I didn’t scream them down when they had the audacity to scold me. I need to learn to keep cool and keep my wits around me… and whip them with my sarcasm. Sadly, my sarcasm escapes me when I turn impulsive.
