Ignorant Fools or Inconsiderate Fuckwits
What do you say to someone that purposely threw away a $600 palm pilot which I loaned to three years ago? Considering that we just made up after a ridiculous quarrel and her hypersensitive nature, I swallowed my anger and refrained from lashing out. She apologized profusely claiming to do “anything I wanted” to make amends. In that, she seemed contrite enough.
After I calmed down, I asked her for a fair settlement - pay me the current value of the palm pilot, which at that time, was $150. I got an offer from a guy from HWZ offering me exactly this amount for a full working set with tags. She did not refuse outright, but refused by bringing friendship into the equation. Apparently, our friendship was worth $150.
In our subsequent conversations, I realized that she DID intend to compensate me - in the form of dinner or part thereof (the value of the palm pilot). In her ignorance, she did not realize that it would cost her 150 clams. I thought about the absurdity of her rationalization and came to the realization that dinner would be in the ball park of $50.
OHHHH so it was the amount of compensation that she disagreed over, and she probably expected me to wait for her to offer a suitable compensation. Although she was not quick enough to offer me something I deserved - I remember asking her “is it the amount? What do you think I deserved?”, she was certainly quick enough to say that she did not deserve my friendship.
In my heart, I was pleased she said that. Because it meant that I did not have to go through with the breakup speech I had in mind.
In my heart, I was also upset with my response. I said, Ok, grabbed the money and left. I was upset because I didn’t get to say what I had intended to say, i.e. not authentic.
The awful remarks she made were still fresh in my mind. Her remarks were like the last kicks of a dying horse:
“You didn’t want the palm in the first place, so don’t pretend it is of value”
“The guy who wanted to pay you $150 - he is an idiot because he don’t know the value of IT products”
To my satisfaction, her eyes grew round when I told her the original price. And she changed tack.
“I can’t be bothered to explain anything to you.”
“Take the money and go” It was all she could do but throw the money in my face.
My response to everything? Nada. I asked her questions and wanted to understand her mind. I did not get a chance to lash out. At all.
In a conflict, you need to keep the outcome in mind. It does not matter so much whether you got to say your piece or not - that is just the process. It is the outcome - parting ways, that truly matters. Yep. The truly victorious is the one that was calm.
A few weeks after, I still find myself thinking about this. I am not so sure about being victorious. I did not get to say my piece. I was not authentic.
Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to part ways and still do. But I wonder if this someone is actually an inconsiderate fuckwit or an ignorant fool. Ignorant fools deserve our sympathy and forgiveness because… they don’t know any better. Inconsiderate fuckwits, on the other hand, know what they don’t know… and do it bad anyway.
The people that offended me or have made me angry - are they ignorant fools or inconsiderate fuckwits? Most people I have met are usually ignorant fools which make them behave like inconsiderate fuckwits.
This someone whom I have parted ways with, is an ignorant fool. She once asked if, in a hypothetical situation, I thought that she could be as vicious as a colleague of hers, I said yes and was chastised for it. I don’t regret being honest. And I am glad I was proven right. Does she deserve my sympathy and forgiveness or does she deserve the full brunt of my anger?
Am I an inconsiderate fuckwit or an ignorant fool for posting this on my blog? I am an inconsiderate fuckwit for sure, because I know that she could be reading my blog.
From one fuckwit to a fool behaving like a fuckwit - you never did apologize. And you are right, you do not deserve my friendship… and empathy because this is me, still deeply angry.
